Showing comments 25 through 74 out of 74 comments

Wish granted but the only computer game you can play is the Atari one with the bats and the ball.

I wish my ginormous pile of filing at work was sorted out.

Wish granted. Your work place burns to the ground. You get blamed for the fire hazard which was your desk and are fired.

I wish to get a party invite to the Playboy mansion.

Wish granted however the chicks are as old as Hugh Heffner and so dry you get the equivalent of "road rash" on your cock.

I wish I had a great hair style

Wish granted. It is an amazing art piece and sought after by photographers lauding the stylists latest "piece". You had to grow your hair in the nether regions for years to achieve it.

I wish I could get nice strong fingernails.

Wish granted but they grow a foot long into thick, curled horns which intertwine like a vine. On the upside, you beat the current Guinness record.

I wish my mechanic had remembered to service my car when it was in for repair today.

Your wish was granted, your mechanic did service your car but your car is fucked and you need a new one

I wish I was a car salesman

Wish granted. But you live in Bangladesh, the place with the fewest cars in the world. You go out of business and end up in costumer service call centre for the Taliban.

I wish I could speak other languages.

Wish granted but the other languages are Latin and Klingon.

I wish I wasn't such a stressed out bunny.

Wish granted
You are now a stressed out llama, chewing the cud. Running around the pampas of Argentina hoping some lonely gaucho doesn't take a fancy to you
Lol

I wish I had a plane ticket to queenstown to see my lover.

Granted. But when you get there your lover's religious parents are staying. You end up spending the entire week in prayer meetings and sleeping in the car during a storm because, due to the storm the airport and all the roads are closed.

I wish I wouldn't forget when there was a good show on TV that I wanted to watch.

Wish granted. But your television has blown up due to the electrical storm that kept Kiwialibnz in their car.

I wish my car would start on cold mornings.

Wish granted. Your car now starts on cold mornings but overheats on hot days.

I wish I didn't have to go to work today.

Wish granted. Having grown balls, the only getting fucked going on is by ministers who are claiming expenses against high class hookers in expensive hotels. As the pressure groups are no more, this isn't noticed or reported, so your taxes raise to pay for this. You cant afford to eat anymore and become a rent boy for the local Labour MP.
I wish I was in Politics now!!

Wish granted, but you are the spin doctor for the ministers using expense accounts to pay for porn in hotel rooms etc - very shortly you will be unemployed too, just like your clients.

I wish I was having a gang bang right now

Wish granted but there are 11 blokes lined up to take you and you didn't bring lube. Good news, that probably won't be a problem for you after the first 2.

I wish someone had cooked dinner for me.

Wish granted. But they included an ingredient that you are violently allergic to and you go into anaphalactic shock. Worse than that they burnt dinner and your favourite pot along with it.

I wish I could find a lover that got off on giving me foot massages.

Wish granted but he literally gets off on your feet and does so so often that your toes glue together.

I wish the damn restaurant I want to go to next weekend took bookings.

Wish granted. You're booked in the kitchen at the end of the night to wash all the pans.

I wish it wasn't so hard getting out of bed on these cold mornings.

wish granted you are now completely flacid when getting off into or alongside any bed or indeed anything that can be used for sex on in cold weather or hot or even warm .


i wish i had the body and endurance of my youth and the experiace i have now

wish granted ...... but your family move to an arab state where sex out of marriage is illegal so you cant use the knowledge and too young to leave home yet.


I wish the very sexy neighbours wife would invite me over while her hubby was away

Wish granted....but she gets you to mow the lawn, fix the tap and change a light bulb without even offering you a beer let alone a glimpse of her good stuff.

I wish tomorrow was a public holiday in my honour.

Wish granted. A holiday in honor of your death. Rather like Easter but without the chocolate. Instead we're meant to feast on celery and everybody hates you for it.

I wish my regular shag hadn't just piked on me for tonight due to being too tired after work.

Wish granted. You get a new tireless shag, but all he wants to do is peck at your ankles, terrorise your cats and cover your bedroom with feathers and bird poo

I am so over these revolting cold germs - I wish I was healthy and perky right now.

Your new age doctor asks your nearest and dearest to place his mouth over your nose, and suck hard removing all the snot and slime. A quick rinse and sniff up the nose with salty water and you're as good as new.

I wish all people contributing to this arrived at a party, and we had to guess who was who.

PS after sucking up the snot you don't gargle with it, you spit it out, at least that's what I had to do a very snotty baby of mine years ago.

Wish granted but no one accurately guesses who is who which pisses off a whole lot of regular boardies so the party ends in fisticuffs (which is not a new BDSM practice).

I wish I could find my Eftpos card.

Wish granted, sort of. I found it and since you wrote your pin number on the back of it I've drained your account and your automatic payments will bounce

I wish you'd had more money in there

Wish granted. It is posted back to you by your bank cut into little pieces with a note from the bank manager saying see me.

I wish I could sing in tune.

@kissthesky

Wish granted. I now have more money in my bank account. Thanks. Wee hee. Sadly for you, you got picked up on security camera using my card and get jailed for fraud. The money I have in my account is the reparation you've had to pay me. Oh, and your cell mate is an Australian called Sheryl. She talks through her noise, snores at night but loves cuddles.

@ The Shagwells.

Wish granted but the tune is only recognisable to all the neighbourhood cats and they like to join in. They spray to mark their territory and now your house stinks.

I wish I had more discipline to go to sleep earlier.

wish granted you now have a stinky hulk of a castrated dom who cause of his frustration beats you without mercy 24/7 so that your always asleep

i wish i had more power tools

Wish granted, but it means that you missed out on the party that your flatmates gave and you are the only one sober enough in the morning to clean up, even the used condoms.

I wish I had more sense than making a wish.

Wish granted, however you got a trip off a rather dubious chick at a party and now nothing makes sense at all!

I wish I every weekend was a four day weekend!

Wish granted. Your FWB comes over and you fuck him to exhaustion. Unfortunately he drowns in the spa pool on day three and though they never find the body you do feel a tiny bit guilty about it

I wish it was summer

Wish granted. It *is* summer in the Sahara. Pity you didn't take sunblock. You can't find water either and you die from dehydration. Soz.

I wish I could have a decent sleep in.

Wish granted. You find eternal rest in your mahogany coffin with chrome handles and pale cream satin lining.

I wish my motivation to go to the gym would return.

Wish granted. You find a personal trainer who has the body of Adonis and offers you workouts outside the gym which you kindly accept, now there's a reason to go to the gym!

I wish for long drawn out sensual and erotic sex

Wish granted. Your mood isn't improved by the broken neck and dislocated spine, though

I wish I could be with my SO rather than sitting here all cute for no reason

Wish granted, but the SO turned out to be a sexless optometrist who could no see without his glasses (which he lost in the toilet), so looking good did not make an impact at all.

I wish that I could get a well paid job.

Wish Granted ...... you get a well payed job with lotsa perks and a credit card with the Labour party ..... but it doesnt last when you comment that you support Chris Carter and get fired too.

I wish that scratchy I bought was a winning ticket

wish granted , you get two dollars
i wish i had the time to dress more often

Wish granted. You serve time but only get to dress in prison orange.

I wish my dog would stop barking at the dog next door.

Wish Granted, you left the gate open and your dog put on a fight against the dog next door. Your dog wins, but you lose the law suit and have to pay 2K in reparations to the owner and put down you dog.

I wish this game starts off again

Wish granted - the game restarts and in an unfortunate breach of site protocol your home address is posted out.(EEK)

You are rogered senseless by an unending procession of young lads and 50 something males LOL.

This all sounds great so far but unbeknown to you its all being filmed for a new TV series and you get voted off in the first week

I wish for a new van

Wish granted - its a fantastic van, shiny and new, drives a dream for the first day until you hear sirens and flashing lights and the cops pull you over! The van was one of many new cars that were stolen and used to transport drugs and whores for notorious gang members!

I wish I could find the ultimate cure for the common cold! :(

Wish granted, after mixing up your cough, sneeze, flu and headache medicines with rum & gin to a cocktail you die from a heart attack and get rid of the cold.

I wish the sun would come out again

Wish granted. Its summer in Antartica, the sun doesnot go down for months, but you a freezing.

I wish I could win lotto tonight

Wish granted, but because a psychic announced the numbers on Friday's morning television, 1 Mio other players used the same numbers. Your share is $12.50

I wish the week would have more Sundayz

Wish Granted ....Everyday is Sunday But you find you live in a region the shops are all shut on Sundays .... and your bank has just increased your credid card limit to $10,000 but you cant find anywhere to shop till you drop.


I wish the quakes would stop rocking my house