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Ghosting
Discussion - started by ready4u2, posted on 8-Jun-21 8:46PM
I recon after the word ghosting got coined it became an excuse for people to ignore genuine real peoples messages.
I have had my profile on NZP for well over 10 years or more. It seems to me as an observation that people treat people like shit when it dosent matter and identities are hidden behind profile names.
Its not just women but couples and men also.
I answer profile requests fitting the request with a full informative message with info etc sometimes with pic. 95% of all messages get totally ignored i.e. ghosted. For the % that reply well done and thankyou.
The whole swinging thing is had work lol.
But worth it for the odd wonderful ones.
J

Showing comments 1 through 46 out of 46 comments

Comment #1 by Kiwirogue09 in response to the main topic
Posted on 9-Jun-21 5:46AM
It seems a simple ‘No thanks’ is to much for most.
Rather be told no than be left hanging and wondering.
Comment #2 by ready4u2 in response to Kiwirogue09 ( view post )
Posted on 9-Jun-21 6:22AM
Exactly right. Cheers
Comment #3 by Majichanz in response to Kiwirogue09 ( view post )
Posted on 9-Jun-21 8:13AM
Exactly... manners go a long way, but they are far and few that know what these are
Posted on 9-Jun-21 1:56PM
You would think eh
Posted on 9-Jun-21 5:50PM
Certainly agree. By the way we use to chat and then I left site for a little while. Now I can no longer contact as restrictions are in place. Would love to catch up when you can.
Posted on 9-Jun-21 7:32PM
Im not glad to see more interested , that others have noticed the same kind of ghosting.
This groupe is name and shame, do we list the rude members?
For me im not into tit for tat, i was just in the mood to comment the other night.
J
Posted on 9-Jun-21 7:38PM
I was not grumbling I was trying to have a chat again, would like to give an update.
Posted on 9-Jun-21 9:22PM
All good you have to message me first nzp rules
Posted on 9-Jun-21 9:23PM
But apparently your settings do not allow me to. I will try again but maybe friend me then we can chat?
Posted on 10-Jun-21 6:09PM
So right kiwirogue. Why can't people just say, "sorry, not interested", or "yeah i just came in my hand and I don't like you anymore", or just "fuck off"...Human nature to want to avoid conflict I guess.
Posted on 10-Jun-21 7:46PM
Unfortunately the rise of social media means that people can hide behind a keyboard and be arseholes, without the risk of being punched in the throat.
Comment #12 by bdf2 in response to the main topic
Posted on 11-Jun-21 7:19PM
Try being a mature woman on this site. I have given up waiting for people to respond.
Comment #13 by ready4u2 in response to Kiwirogue09 ( view post )
Posted on 11-Jun-21 11:15PM
I love that 👍
Comment #14 by ready4u2 in response to bdf2 ( view post )
Posted on 11-Jun-21 11:17PM
I hear you, keep trying and keep smiling. If im up your way id love a coffee.
Comment #15 by Is-this-where-I-sign-up in response to the main topic
Posted on 12-Jun-21 9:34AM
I'll name and shame myself....I'll happily admit I'm one of these "ghosters" personally I don't think that messages like dtf? Or sup? Warrant a reply. And I've been on and off these sites for a few years now and I have found that more often than not, even if a guy has put more thought into a message and you reply with a "thanks but no thanks" they often want reasons why or try continue the conversation in some other form, even after you politely decline, and then become extremely pushy about it...so for those reasons I'm one of those ghosters you speak of.
Comment #16 by bdf2 in response to ready4u2 ( view post )
Posted on 12-Jun-21 9:41AM
Aww thank you 😊
Posted on 12-Jun-21 9:42AM
Yes as a mature female most have the attitude that I am desperate 🤣
Posted on 12-Jun-21 9:47AM
Simply not answering a "dtf" message is not considered ghosting in my opinion. Ghosting would be specifically cutting off contact on an already established conversation for no apparent reason. I have plenty of "keen" type one-word messages that I simply ignore as well as I find they are rude and absolutely not worth a response. All just my opinion though.
Posted on 12-Jun-21 9:57AM
I don't understand when guys chat for ages ask for pics. I only drip feed 4 pics. Then say going to come, give a time and then don't show don't even give excuses. I don't get angry or upset. I just think how sad that there are people out there going through there life with no manners scruples or common sense. I wonder about the senior one that do it and wonder how did they manage to make it through to the age they are . Oh well had 2 do it last night. Is it that bad with them in just Auckland or is it nation wide. I seem to get 3 aweek
Posted on 12-Jun-21 10:03AM
I agree with the dwf and sup, thats not a message us it.
For the ones that want a reason or pushy after a polite decline just block. You did the nice thing by repling.
Comment #21 by ready4u2 in response to emmaleigh ( view post )
Posted on 12-Jun-21 10:05AM
Yep i agree,
Comment #22 by bdf2 in response to emmaleigh ( view post )
Posted on 12-Jun-21 10:06AM
Well said
Posted on 12-Jun-21 11:52AM
Well said. We will also add the multiple same worded message from the same guy. Called the shotgun method
Posted on 27-Jun-21 8:04PM
I agree is-this-where-i-sign-up. The appalling initial first messages that Ive received do not deserve a reply. For example: "Ive got pics, want to swap?". Arrhhh and that was his very first message. I wont tell you the reply he got ;)

If men want a decent reply, THEN BE decent
Comment #25 by cutey in response to Kiwirogue09 ( view post )
Posted on 27-Jun-21 8:05PM
No reply IS a reply. Nobody owes anybody a reply.
Comment #26 by Calypso122 in response to the main topic
Posted on 27-Jun-21 8:32PM
I disagree not getting a response isn't ghosting!

I sometimes ghost after I've given fair warning that I'm not interested or no longer want to continue chatting and men just don't seem to get a clue 🤷🏾‍♀️
Comment #27 by NZuncut in response to cutey ( view post )
Posted on 27-Jun-21 10:22PM
This.
Comment #28 by cutey in response to Calypso122 ( view post )
Posted on 28-Jun-21 3:21AM
Ghosting is when you been chatting or dealing with in realise, for a while, where there has been some investment, sharing of your life, etc, and then they disappear, change mobile numbers, deleted there profile, even move house.....without a single word said to you, and you never hear from them again, they disappear, and youre left a little bit hurt

That is ghosting

If a woman, or man, doesnt reply to your message, that ISNT ghosting. Theres been no rapport, emotional connection made, no investment, etc, its just they dont want to reply, and they dont have to

No reply IS a reply. The reply inferred is "I dont want to reply to your message"

Nobody owes anybody a reply.
Comment #29 by robbierabbit in response to cutey ( view post )
Posted on 28-Jun-21 9:19AM
I'm not replying to that
Comment #30 by bdf2 in response to robbierabbit ( view post )
Posted on 28-Jun-21 9:27AM
Comment #31 by bdf2 in response to cutey ( view post )
Posted on 28-Jun-21 9:29AM
Can relate to your first paragraph indeed. Happens quite often.
Comment #32 by renkell70 in response to emmaleigh ( view post )
Posted on 28-Jun-21 9:45AM
I established a friendship with another woman, we chatted for 4 months, got on very well, having a real good time then out of no where I got ghosted. She just cut off contact for no reason..Haven't heard from her for a month....such a bummer!!! I would of appreciated a no thanks or something but hey you live & learn
Comment #33 by bdf2 in response to renkell70 ( view post )
Posted on 28-Jun-21 10:08AM
Yes it does hurt, especially when you seem to have gotten close. This just happened to me about a week ago. He even told me what he job was and where he worked and we were going to meet for coffee just this past weekend, then he deleted his account.
Comment #34 by cutey in response to bdf2 ( view post )
Posted on 28-Jun-21 11:22AM
Thats typical married man behaviour
Comment #35 by bdf2 in response to cutey ( view post )
Posted on 28-Jun-21 11:47AM
yup that is what I have worked out ....
Comment #36 by cutey in response to bdf2 ( view post )
Posted on 28-Jun-21 12:36PM
Yip and its sick stuff
Comment #37 by TownandCountry in response to the main topic
Posted on 12-Jul-21 3:25PM
Thank god someone has come out and said this. Over the years I have sent so many messages with absolutely no response.
Happy to move on if I get a no thanks but nothing is rude and people wouldn`t do that in person
Well said and good luck to you all
Comment #38 by bdf2 in response to TownandCountry ( view post )
Posted on 12-Jul-21 3:35PM
Comment #39 by TownandCountry in response to bdf2 ( view post )
Posted on 12-Jul-21 3:45PM
Although whilst I am polite and respectful in my messages I do understand there are total idiots out there that make it tougher for all concerned.
Take care sexy people
Comment #40 by bdf2 in response to TownandCountry ( view post )
Posted on 12-Jul-21 3:50PM
And I will add that I have been the recipient of many unpleasant messages from guys who are absolutely disgusting and degrading of women. Thank god for the block button
Comment #41 by TownandCountry in response to bdf2 ( view post )
Posted on 12-Jul-21 3:55PM
I find that disturbing and wonder what they are thinking? Does that approach ever work. I couldn't do it in person so wouldn't attempt it here.
Use the block button as and when required.
Comment #42 by bdf2 in response to TownandCountry ( view post )
Posted on 12-Jul-21 4:30PM
That approach doesn't do it for me. One guy who I met and then he ditched me approached me again with a different username but using 123 at the end again, same age and same first name. So I went back to him and said that he had already been in contact with me. His reply: "Oh yeah the horny chick with the big tits". To which I replied "was that really necessary" and blocked him
Posted on 4-Aug-21 7:48AM
Same with us. Also, often we don't pop in here for a while and a whole bunch of messages have built up. Frankly, the messages from people who did not read the profile don't deserve to be answered. People think it is like texting when you send a message and usually get instant reply. It is a website. Doesn't work that way.
Comment #44 by bdf2 in response to rural_wangas ( view post )
Posted on 4-Aug-21 8:15AM
Agree, it is a website and like myself often do not reply if I don't have time. It's like that with WhatsApp too, people expect an instant reply.
Comment #45 by rural_wangas in response to the main topic
Posted on 7-Aug-21 8:50AM
Not answering a message on here is like looking at your phone and seeing some strange or anonymous number and saying "I am not answering this call". It is not ghosting. Is it rude - maybe. But almost 90% of the time the message is from someone who has obviously not read one's profile and requirements.
Comment #46 by bdf2 in response to rural_wangas ( view post )
Posted on 7-Aug-21 12:47PM
True. I look at profiles of those that contact me and I wonder why they send me a friend request. I do acknowledge them with a sorry but no thanks but some still come back and ask but why lol

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