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Ghosting...?
Discussion - started by gteacher, posted on 6-Jul-20 11:38AM
What's the story with ghosting here?

Just been ghosted by a lady, and I have no idea why. We were chatting via NZP mail system for a few hours on Sat night, last message was from her saying "...ll talk to you more about... have a good day!" Now it looks like I'm blocked and I don't know why. No rhyme or reason, nothing offensive or even sexual was discussed. No explanation, no "I'm not interested.." Would love to know what happened...

I know this site is for discussing all sorts of topics, and the language can get a bit rough, but what ever happened to manners and simple courtesy?

Showing comments 1 through 27 out of 27 comments

Comment #1 by Davidbutler in response to the main topic
Posted on 6-Jul-20 12:25PM
Sadly, mate, this is a sign of the times. I’ve had similar experiences - it Always leaves me angry, frustrated and even feeling slightly dirty.

Now, I don’t bother with them. They get blocked and I move on. But it’s taken a bit of time to get to that point,
Comment #2 by cant in response to the main topic
Posted on 6-Jul-20 1:32PM
You gave her exactly what she wanted right then: Attention.

Your purpose has been served.
Comment #3 by gteacher in response to cant ( view post )
Posted on 6-Jul-20 1:41PM
Hmm. Seems strange. She mentioned her profile on another site (inc her username), then the next day it's block and ghost in both places. I really don't think I said anything offensive or even suggestive. She seemed a nice and mature person (not just someone young or bratty) If it's attention then ghost or ignore, but the blocking is the part that confuses me most. Unless she ends up reading this... in which case she's getting what she wanted... more attention.

I know I should do as David suggests, but this is the first time this happened (most just ignore your opening email...)
Comment #4 by Tsar in response to gteacher ( view post )
Posted on 6-Jul-20 2:25PM
I understand mate. But unfortunately it's one of those things, she has made a choice we should respect it. Even it it's bat Shit crazy and don't make sense.
Comment #5 by Davidbutler in response to gteacher ( view post )
Posted on 6-Jul-20 3:37PM
Seriously mate... it’s not worth the time in trying to analyse - you’ll never know, so don’t waste the energy.

I don’t know so much it being an attention thing, but it is certainly POWER PLAY (Is attention part of power play, he asks? Yip... reels and hooks) where you’re sucked into a false sense of security, then BAM.

As Tsar says. There are some bat shit crazies out there.
Comment #6 by Ayla in response to the main topic
Posted on 6-Jul-20 3:39PM
I think that's something different from ghosting, suddenly blocking seems far more intentional.
Comment #7 by gteacher in response to Ayla ( view post )
Posted on 6-Jul-20 3:46PM
That's what got me the most confused. I don't think I said or did anything that could be offensive or require blocking. We never even discussed anything that could be considered physically sexual... really only covered our current situations. Oh well, I think I've got it out of my system.

Thanks people for listening. 8)
Comment #8 by Ayla in response to gteacher ( view post )
Posted on 6-Jul-20 3:48PM
The block button is right next to the read messages button... Maybe she suddenly realised she knew you irl
Comment #9 by gteacher in response to Ayla ( view post )
Posted on 6-Jul-20 3:51PM
Maybe, but I don't think IRL was it. Very few people know me... I should probably rephrase that - it's sounding a little creepy. 8)
Comment #10 by Ayla in response to gteacher ( view post )
Posted on 6-Jul-20 3:52PM
we've all got a public and personal image
Comment #11 by NortyOne in response to the main topic
Posted on 6-Jul-20 3:57PM
I am new to this site. But have had similar experiences,
Comment #12 by gteacher in response to Ayla ( view post )
Posted on 6-Jul-20 3:57PM
Not just that, I've been working remotely for too many years ( I quit a job in a big company 15+ years ago - WFH since then) - small group of clients all that time and shrinking circle of close friends... so actually people I know IRL in this country is not that many.
Comment #13 by Davidbutler in response to NortyOne ( view post )
Posted on 6-Jul-20 4:12PM
It’ll happen on any site.
Block, move on.
Comment #14 by Trix29 in response to the main topic
Posted on 6-Jul-20 9:36PM
Its sucky but if shes the kind of person that does that then she's not worth the time or effort anyway. I've had guys do that to me, just stop talking to me once they've had enuf of fucking me, no explanation. It's a shit thing to do but very common.

You have to accept that you won't get a clear answer or explanation and that she jerked you around. Sorry dude
Comment #15 by ktt0630 in response to Trix29 ( view post )
Posted on 6-Jul-20 10:57PM
Might have been a guy with a false profile - who knows. Accept and move on.
Comment #16 by Cheekies in response to gteacher ( view post )
Posted on 6-Jul-20 11:04PM
As others have said, common sense and common courtesy is as rare as hens teeth online more so with acceptable yet weird norms - Happens to us all. I put it down to perhaps I dodged a bullet there and that can't be a bad thing.

I have been on and off this site for a while and am rather jaded, unmoved and try not to invest too much into people who don't deserve my attention. Some people are just bad investments Glad you got it out of your system.
Comment #17 by ktt0630 in response to Cheekies ( view post )
Posted on 6-Jul-20 11:21PM
Good answer
Comment #18 by gteacher in response to Cheekies ( view post )
Posted on 7-Jul-20 10:00AM
Thanks Cheekies. I need to follow your 20 points better, particularly 7. But that's kind of what I do and is useful for my job...
Comment #19 by Davidbutler in response to gteacher ( view post )
Posted on 7-Jul-20 10:26AM
Trying to stop over analysing is more difficult than one thinks. Especially when it comes to human beings. One never really knows what’s going on behind the facade. And then theare are human beings behind keyboards - faceless. That’s impossible!

One of the questions I’ll ask myself is:
“How is that actually (ACTUALLY) affecting me NOW”
You’ll find that it isn’t to a large degree.
What it IS affecting, is your ego.
I use this principal a lot as I’d rather stop telling myself a story — there is no grand narrative.
Comment #20 by Cheekies in response to gteacher ( view post )
Posted on 7-Jul-20 10:51AM
Youre very welcome, analyzing data and information for an actual purpose is all good. Over analyzing people and their ways on an adult site is highly unlikely to be productive unlike youre the site owner as you can use it trends and creating more robust systems :)
Comment #21 by cant in response to Cheekies ( view post )
Posted on 7-Jul-20 3:42PM
roBUSTY-er systems are all good.
Comment #22 by NortyOne in response to the main topic
Posted on 8-Jul-20 10:40AM
How do you know if you are blocked or ghosted? I am wondering i have chatted to the same person?
Comment #23 by gteacher in response to NortyOne ( view post )
Posted on 8-Jul-20 10:45AM
Can't view their profile, and the reply to message option is gone from our conversation.
Comment #24 by Popeye in response to Davidbutler ( view post )
Posted on 28-Jul-20 10:09AM
Yes that's seems extreme. But its how they roll.
Comment #25 by LilyBlack in response to gteacher ( view post )
Posted on 28-Jul-20 10:49AM
Everybody has Personal Settings. They may not be Blocking you personally, just your Sex or Sexual Preferences! Lily x
Comment #26 by Chocolatecake in response to the main topic
Posted on 29-Jul-20 7:37PM
I have had this happen also. I find it really hard to understand and may have spent too much time overthinking it in the past but I'm getting better at just moving on now.
Comment #27 by justcauseican in response to Ayla ( view post )
Posted on 3-Aug-20 12:49PM
very much so. my public one is very different from one behind closed doors or somewhere

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